Naruto's Wanted
by breathing-the-yaoi
Summary: Naruto wakes up one morning to see his friends staring at him. If that isn't enough shock, the boys are claiming they're ALL in love with him? I just do this... for my laughs. :D
1. Those Perverts

**Hello, this is my first fic. So if you like it, review or whatever. I wanted a Naruto harem kind of thing. I laughed as I wrote it so please like it? I HAVE NO IDEA IF THIS IS YAOI! I NEED A DEFINITION!  
**

**Disclaimer: As if it wasn't enough that Masashi Kishimoto has a twin brother. He had to come up with Naruto too?**

"Hmm," the blonde moaned as he woke, rubbing his still shut eyes with the back of his hand. He could see the bright waves of sunshine through his eyelids, turning them a fleshy shade of red.

_Don't want to get up, _Naruto thought to himself. _It's only Saturday._

He clasped his hands together and brought them above his head stretching his arms and grunted. He suddenly felt a little nervous though. Cautiously he opened his eyes and sat up.

"Gyah," he shrieked, diving back down and bonking his head on the headboard. He groaned and rubbed the back of his head before sitting back up. There on multiple chairs sat his friends, all _staring_ at him with interest. Still rubbing the back of his head, he looked into the faces, searching them for an answer as to why they all were here at –Naruto glanced at the clock- 9am!

His mother went whistling by, laundry basket in hand. She paused to lean in the doorway. "Naruto, why are you still in bed? I sent your friends up here an hour ago. I thought you would've bathed by now."

Naruto just blinked. These people he, before this incident of course, called friends had been watching him sleep for an hour?!

Ino was the one to speak up. "It's alright Mrs. Uzumaki! We're fine with his cute pajamas since we're imposing on you and your lovely home."

Mrs. Uzumaki smiled and went along as Naruto stared down at his pajamas and cursed himself. He wished he'd never woken up, or at least not to the crowd. He was wearing his sky blue pajamas with the bear cubs all over them. He groaned a third time and laid back down. But as the eerie silence from his "visitors" continued, he sat up and glared at them.

"Why are you guys here?" He looked down at the plastic chairs they were sitting on. "And where did you get those chairs?!"

Kiba grinned and pointed a thumb at his chest. "Loaded them all into my truck this morning! We borrowed them from the clinic!"

Naruto stared at Kiba's mouth. Had he really said that? "What are the patients supposed to sit on?"

The group exchanged glances but kept silent. Sakura scooted her chair closer to the bed and took Naruto's hand in hers. She glanced back at the others before sighing and looking Naruto straight in the face.

"I'll explain. We're here… because you're a dunce." Naruto tried to defend himself, but Sakura squeezed his hand, really too hard, and he quieted down. "Sorry, but it's true. These boys" she and Ino gestured to the boys, who waved shyly. "Are in love with you."

Naruto's eyes widened and his eyebrows shot up. The boys weren't going to correct her? Realization dawned on him and he growled at the trespassers.

Shouting, he berated them. "You guys have nothing better to on a Saturday morning then prank one of your friends?! What's **WRONG** with you?!"

They blinked collectively and Lee stood up. "That was QUITE youthful~! One of the many reasons I love you~!"

Naruto drug the hand not clutched by Sakura across his face. He peeked over it at the boys. They looked completely serious. Even Shikamaru, who was usually off in La-La Land, was looking at him with a bit of interest. If this was a prank, it was a _very_ good one.

Dropping his hand and sighing; he really didn't need this so early on a weekend, he asked, "So, if you guys aren't lying? If this isn't all a joke, why come together and confess?"

Chouji was munching on some potato chips, as always, and cleared his throat to reply, "Strength in numbers. We weren't even going to mention we liked you but those two," he nodded his head towards the girls. "Wanted yaoi pictures and inspiration for their fan fiction site."

Naruto cringed. He suddenly had a flashback of the last party they had all attended. Ino and Sakura got them get drunk... and do "things". They were all lucky Hinata's dad came home and stopped it all before they were no longer innocent. The other guys must've been thinking the same thing because their faces went pale and some shivered.

Sakura cleared her throat and turned her emerald eyes on Naruto again. "So… since you're the one they all fell for, you need to take responsibility. As of today, you belong to _all_ of them."

A nervous laugh from the blonde's throat, as he anxiously rubbed the back of his head. "Heh heh. I guess I'll go along with this for a while."

Sakura and Ino immediately jumped up an high-fived, stars glittering in their eyes. Lee commented on how 'yaoi is the spring of girls' youth' or some nonsense like that. Naruto really wondered if he had to belong to _him_ too.

Since Sakura went running downstairs for her camera, Ino explained further on the odd predicament. "So, the first thing to do is confessions! Everyone exit but the one who's going first!"

Naruto put up his hand to stop them for going. "Don't. I should take my shower first. I'll be out in a while, if you'll wait."

They nodded. Naruto slid out of his bed and immediately blushed. Where were his pajama pants? He quickly covered his tan legs with the quilt on his bed. Whistling, Sasuke spun the pants around on his finger and smirked. It prompted Naruto to drop the quilt and attack him, leaping over Sai, who was avoiding being hit by the one he had called 'fatso'.

After everyone, but Shikamaru who chosen to fall asleep in Naruto's empty bed, had gotten involved in their own battles, things were finally quieted down by Sakura lifting up Naruto's pajama shirt and revealing his well-defined chest. All the boys that looked promptly had a nosebleed and died. The end (just kidding).

Though blood did start leaking from their nose and they all started to move towards Naruto in a perverted-zombie kind of way. The blonde yanked his shirt back down, yelped and ran for the bathroom, where he locked the door.

_This... will not be easy. I'm more in danger of losing my innocence now than Sasuke ever was when he was with Orochimaru. And _THAT'S_ saying something._

**I think****I'll do another few chapters. If not for anyone who likes it, simply because I feel like it. :P**


	2. To The Mall

**I'll admit it… my writing stinks. I just got bored and had no yaoi to see. *pout***

**Disclaimer: Don't own Naruto, but if I did, everyone would be gay stick figures!**

The warm water poured down Naruto's tan back, as he rested his palms on the back of the shower wall. He turned his head up, the water hitting his face. The blonde knew he was stalling, but wouldn't you if outside _perverts_ were waiting for you? He waited a few more seconds before opening the curtain and reaching for his towel.

"Gyaaah," he screamed for a second time today. Because his towel wasn't on the toilet seat where he left it. No, instead it was in the hands' of the boys, dry blood running down their noses as they each took a dreamy sniff of the towel. He covered his intimate parts with the curtain and reached out to grab it from Kankuro, who had been passing it to Neji. Neji actually glared at the blonde and tried yanking it back, before letting go.

Naruto sighed in frustration. _Is_ this _what I'll have to deal with everyday? _Wrapping the towel around himself, he kicked Sasuke in the head, as he was desperately trying to pull the towel off.

"Kukukuku, I can't wait to see that tushie," Sasuke said, an evil glint in his eye.

Naruto turned a bright shade of red which only prompted everyone in the room to bleed more from the nostril area. The perverts.

"Get… **OUT**!" And with that they all scrambled out of there, with some blockage as Kankuro's Crow tried to escape at the same time as Chouji. Chouji pushed it and went on eating. Naruto sighed, sitting on the toilet seat. What were they doing next? Oh, yeah: the _confessions_. This day was never going to end was it?

~*~*~

The Uzumaki was bored to tears. Lee was the second-last person needing to go through the whole confession thing and it was clear he wasn't planning on shutting down any time this century.

"-Chest contracts jubilantly as I see your youth imprinted on such a face. Oh, how wonderful to be in the spring of such a dazzling time." The very odd boy with the very odd hair and very odd outfit was making Naruto want to shove a old razorblade in the jubilant chest of his friend.

Rock Lee stood up off the bed and bowed, throwing a thumbs up his way. Despite all the weird things he said, Naruto thought Rock Lee had sort of a charm. In fact, he was starting to feel that way about all the guys. His heart had sped up numerous times at some of their confessions. Gaara swept onto the bed and sat Indian-style, facing Naruto. He nodded in acknowledgement.

"What's up, Gaara? You like me, too?"

Gaara held his hands out as if laying it out the table and placed them out, as if to play a children's hand game. Naruto completely understood his stoic friend. He was laying his soul bare. Raising his hands to Gaara's they started singing.

"Miss Mary Mack, Mack, Mack all dressed in black, black, black. With silver buttons, buttons, buttons, all down her back, back, back." They embraced after this, both filled with emotion as everyone else in the room experienced a WTF moment. Kankuro had to stop himself from crying. _So sweet: he's found 'the one'._

Ino and Sakura snapped out of this WTF moment though, and started snapping pictures. They started chanting 'kiss, kiss' until Neji with his magic fingers put them to sleep. _I should've been a masseuse. _

Shino, who had been silent for all this time and had confessed to Naruto by having his bugs eat the blonde's shirt off and groping him, cleared his throat. "So, if we're done with that… Who are you taking on a date first?"

Naruto blinked. _A date? I had to be ogled and confessed all day and now they want a date?! But I have a feeling I can't say no…_

Sighing, he glanced over everyone, turning to his side to see Shikamaru sleeping. He poked him, and when that didn't work, he decided to do _something _else. Leaning down and breathing his name into Shika's ear, he nipped at the lobe. A grunt passed his lips though as Shika pulled him down, pressing his lips down on the other's. His lips were so moist and soft that they made Naruto forget other surroundings. His hand clutched onto Shikamaru's shirt and their mouths mixed in a more intense manner.

Yanking away, Naruto pointed to Shika. "I'm taking him!" Then he grabbed his date's hand and rushed past the annoying chairs. Shikamaru started his car, a Chevy that he and his other teammates shared, and lazily made sure he wasn't hitting anything before pulling out.

"Where to," he asked, smirking as he saw the other guys loading in their cars as fast as they could.

~*~*~

"The mall," Naruto exclaimed, smiling shyly, but oh so cutely in a true uke fashion. He glanced up at Shikamaru with his gorgeous eyes. "Shika, your nose is bleeding."

_What happened?_ Sakura rubbed her neck and looked around the hideous orange room. Empty! Shaking her friend/enemy, she shouted the boys could be doing naughty things to each other right now and they were missing it!

Ino shrieked, which of course called Sakura to shriek. After shrieking for a while, Ino pulled out a device formerly attached to her thigh. _I am so glad that we gave them those tracking devices for Christmas. Much better than the bondage equipment Sakura wanted to give them._

"To the bat-mobile," she shrieked.

**I'm so sorry I stink at writing. And made Gaara do 'that'. Everyone's going to go on a date with Naruto! Yay! Review if you feel like it.  
**


	3. The Writer Is Bored

**A/N: I was having problems with my other stories… So I decided to spaz out and do this. It's horrible but I think that's what I like about. The goofy parts… **

Shikamaru had barely been dragged through the door by Naruto, before Sasuke slammed through the mall doors, others in tow, and ran for them. The mischievous blonde grabbed Shika's arm tight and sped for the one place none of the guys would ever dare to go: a petting zoo.

Shikamaru and Naruto hid behind a sheep, watching as the guys shrieked in terror at the girly and fluffy sight. Kiba, in his manly nature, fainted at the horrific, and possibly life-scarring, images. Our favorite fox-boy sighed in relief and looked up at the brunette next to him, half-awake. He grabbed a fistful of his net shirt and pulled him down into a rough, wet kiss. Shika's tongue explored Naruto's warm mouth before pulling away and giving a weird look at the crowd of boys.

Gaara stood at the front of the group, arms spread out like he was preparing to open up the sea of animals without touching them. Blue eyes widened considerably when he recalled something. Gaara could _talk_ to animals!! He hadn't believed it himself until he saw the red-head call raccoons on one of his guards. Slowly, the fuzzy side the couple had rested behind disappeared, giving the boys on the outside of the zoo a view of the other guys.

"Get them," Neji cackled as the boys ran (well Chouji just stayed where he was, eating a pretzel) for the couple. Neji's eyes flashed an evil color and the usual polite person seemed to be lost for the current angry and lustful version. Oh well. You can catch more flies with force then honey… Is that how it goes? No?

~*~*~

A tan hand clutched at the paler one in his hand. The other tan hand was placed on a heaving chest through cloth. The owner of the paler hand looked around the corner hesitantly. Shikamaru wondered if a date with Naruto was really worth, well, moving. And running away from all those rapid fanboys. He glanced at the blonde boy, mouth slightly open and face flushed. It _WAS_ worth it.

They stood there a while before heading to the mall's arcade. Inside the dark room with flashing lights, they headed for the racecar games. That way Shikamaru could sit and spaz out but Naruto could still be his hyper self. The two boys were doing just fine 'til a large group of people caught Naruto's eye.

Standing outside the arcade, faces pressed to glass were a bunch of very familiar looking janitors, all with matching black mustaches. The wide eyes, unblinking, sent a shudder through the two inside.

Shikamaru sighed. "I guess we should end our date here for today. I really want to know how they got a janitor suit in Chouji's size. Or got arrested for looking so suspicious." Naruto nodded and got up.

"Our date is done now, happy?! You guys are so rude," Naruto complained. Faces peeled from glass and smiles graced their flat faces.

"It's our turn now," Shino squealed, earning confused looks from everyone. The object of everyone's affection nodded.

Sasuke clapped his hands and Gaara brought out (from who knows where) a large CD player. "Hit it, tanuki-boy!"

Sir-Mix-A-Lot's 'Jump On It' poured from the machine. The boys were in a line, making hand gestures that looked like they were spanking something in front of them. They changed directions, still spanking something invisible in front of them. Overall…it was embarrassing. Sasuke and Kankuro broke from the line; Kankuro laid down a cardboard stage, leaving Sasuke to break-dance on it. Nobody in the mall had seen anything as weird as the very pale (like vampire-pale) Uchiha spinning on his head and the black-dressed, face-paint covered sand sib rapping with the song. In fact, everyone who saw it had to attend therapy.

Naruto buried his face in his hands as the other males (excluding Shika, who had fallen asleep quickly) started jumping 'on it'. Sai had an amused, but still slightly fake, smile on as he ground his hips to the music.

~*~*~

"Ino, I told you not to pick that guy up! We've lost them!" Sakura glared at Ino, who like herself, was covered in blood, looking disoriented, and shaking slightly.

"How was I supposed to know that you can't trust a guy in a hockey mask?! And I hadn't even seen the chainsaw 'til he pulled in out." Ino sighed, walking around the mall looking for the boys to show up on radar was boring. The only exciting thing today had been when Sakura and her teamed up, killed the weird man, and buried him in Kiba's backyard.

Rapid beeps came from the machine and she glanced up at the upper level of the mall. Ino could see them!

"Quick, Ino!" Sakura yelled and pointed to the escalators. "To the stair-thingies!"

**A/N:… Well, that sucked… XD Oh well, I just did this so I can get to work on the others… Until next time.**


End file.
